Why you don’t have what you want

Julia Katsivo Carter
2 min readDec 8, 2021

“I can” and “I can’t” exist on two different planes.

Dead ends and possibilities exist in two different zones.

Finalities and beginnings are two different stories.

The reason why actively shifting thoughts that don’t empower you to ones that do work is that your thoughts determine your emotional frequency.

When you feel low and defeated, your emotions belong to the sad, angry, frustrated, helpless categories. They are not wrong. They just are. Often, you mistake these emotions to mean more than the moment and instead use them to describe you as you are, making that story a part of your identity.

I remember doing this every time I failed a math test when I was younger. I made it mean something detrimental about me.

When you feel energized, alive and in your power, your emotions belong to the categories that signify freedom, creativity, elevation, and expanse. They again are not right or wrong. They just are. Sometimes, you use these emotions to mean something about you. That’s what I did every time I created something that went over very well.

The thing about ascribing who you are to how you feel is that this becomes a shifting identity not really rooted in anything meaningful. When you fail and when you succeed, your identity shifts to match the emotional surge.

What if you simply saw your thoughts, feelings and emotions as just what they are — indicators and temperature gauges? What would happen for you if you separated your identity from the changing emotions of the day and grounded it in something more solid, stable and unchanging?

For me, it’s helped me navigate both the highs and lows of my life and work. It’s helped me keep it moving when I’d rather not. It’s helped me take a break when I’d rather strive. It’s what allows me to bring my best to the games I’ve signed up for (entrepreneurship, marriage, family) and the ones I didn’t (hardship, loss, separation, devastation). It’s helped me be who I am today.

What you desire and what you don’t desire are on two different planes. What you decide to focus on by way of thoughts determines your plane. Where would you rather be today?

Julia Katsivo Carter

Founder of Successful & Smart Business Coaching. Holistic approach business coach for women. Bubbly, calm. Yup.